Being home the past two days has been a difficult adjustment. I can’t explain how much I miss being in San Francisco with all of my new friends, serving and learning and growing.
Everyone asks: “How was your trip?” and I don’t ever know what to say or where to begin. I try to tell them about all the service we did and the people we talked to but its impossible to convey the way that I feel and the way I’ve changed because of this trip, and more importantly—because of the people I was surrounded by on this trip. The relationships I made in San Francisco are so important to me, and it’s really hard to explain that to people back at school. I have a whole new group of people who I know support me and create a safe space for me, and that’s exactly what I needed at this point in my life. I’m getting all emotional again just thinking about them. I sincerely hope that we all keep in touch for a very very long time.
Besides all of the fantastic relationships I made, it also felt really good to serve and spend my time helping people who are less privileged than I am. I learned a lot about homelessness and the way it traps people. Before the trip someone was telling me that they didn’t think people should be on government assistance or food stamps for more than about two years. I honestly don’t remember who it was but I’m pretty sure it was one of my white, male, college-aged, middle class friends. The thing is, its easy to say things like that when you’ve never seen someone sleeping on the street, in a doorway while its raining, or peeing on the sidewalk because no businesses will let them use a bathroom, or looking for half-smoked cigarettes on the sidewalk to curb their hunger, or hauling ALL of their belongings around in a shopping cart, or begging people on the street to buy them just one bag of chips. And it could be me; it could be my family on the street, going to churches and food shelves to survive. Anyways, this person I was talking with said something like, “I could go out and get a job right now if I really needed to.” Which is probably true, but he isn’t homeless, he can take a shower when he needs to, and he can buy new clothes when he needs to. If you’ve been sleeping on the streets for a week and its been rainy, and you have no access to a shower, and your clothes are a bit ragged, not too many people are going to hire you. Homeless people are still people, LGBTQIA people are still people, people are people but there are stigmas attached to all different types of people, cultures and communities and we forget that we are all human beings.
Another community I learned a lot about is the trans women community. I had no idea that they were so marginalized, even in comparison to trans men. There are a lot of complex issues that I still need to learn more about, but the Girl Talk show provided a platform for me to jump off of and really dig deep to learn more about this community. One thing that I was confused about at Girl Talk was the concept of trans misogyny. I don’t want to talk about it too much because I really don’t know how to navigate through all of these issues and terms and language and what not but it’s something to think about. Girl Talk made me question a lot of things about the way our society constructs gender and sexual orientation, which I think is a good thing. As an ally I have lots more to learn, but now I’m really excited and eager to learn after this trip.
I also learned a ton about HIV/AIDS from volunteering Project Open Hand and listening to Jason Villalobos speak. I had no idea that the AIDS epidemic was so huge or that the government didn’t even acknowledge it until years after it began. San Francisco was the only part of the country with a strong, powerful movement to fight the epidemic. Now we are kind of falling back into a phase of complacency, which is scary to think about. That’s why the work that Jason does is so important.
The most important thing I learned, in regards to my allyship, is that I need to be more conscious of my privilege on a daily basis. I’ve never been teased, bullied, or harassed because of my sexual orientation, and I will never fully understand exactly how that feels. I’ve grown up in an upper-middle class household in the suburbs. I’ve been really lucky and I have advantages that many other people don’t have. Now, what I’ve realized is that I want to use these advantages to help other people, I have extra time and money that others don’t, so why shouldn’t I spend it serving and supporting them? Soon I will be starting regular volunteer work and outreach for Sexual Offense Services of Ramsey County and that will be my first real taste of structured, regular, involved volunteer work. I’m nervous that I am not ready or stable enough to support rape/sexual assault victims, but after this trip I’m also extremely excited because I know how good it feels to be helping people and giving back. I’m really passionate about women’s issues and might be interested in having a career for a non-profit organization, especially after talking with Laura from the GSA offices.
This trip has also been an extension of my passion for feminism. To me feminism is about equality for all types of people, not just women. People think that feminism is anti- things: anti-men, anti-femininity, etc. It’s not. For me, it is a movement that is trying to change the system and fight the patriarchy that affects us ALL. Not everyone understands this or agrees but that is what my feminism means to me. It’s who I am and I am dedicated to it. Women’s rights are human rights, LGBTQIA rights are human rights, people of color are still marginalized in our society, trans and intersex issues and identities are hardly ever discussed or recognized. I want to help change this in my lifetime. This trip was a start, a jumping off point.
But ultimately, the thing I value most from this trip really is the relationships that I’ve built with everyone. We truly are a support system for each other and that’s something that I’m extremely thankful for and lucky to have gotten from this trip. Every single person on this trip has been so kind and caring towards me, and towards each other in general. That’s hard to find in a large group. We work so well together though, everyone is so loving. We all opened up and shared a lot about ourselves and I think that really helped develop this support system. I can honestly say that I believe every person on this trip--Simone, Grady, Shawyn, Justin, Salisa, Steve, Hannah, Alissa, Trung, Alicia and Peter, are some of the best and most beautiful people I’ve ever met and I am genuinely grateful to know all of them.
--Cal
Beeeautiful, Cal.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Sal.