An ideological growth

Since coming back from the trip, I've continued to do some thinking and reflecting.

I wrote it all down here. Because of its linguistic content and the personal nature of this particular post, I've just linked it to my own blog.

Great things happen when we recognize heartbeats other than the ones in our own ribs, I think.

Realizations

Today I realized that this trip has instilled a feeling of hope and optimism that is very new for me. I feel really content with where I am in my life and what I am doing with it. I was definitely not feeling this way before going to San Francisco. I read all these articles about all the budget cuts people are proposing or passing that will affect the poor and the working class and I feel angry still, but I also feel like I am doing something to help now. Or that I have helped and I have officially begun my journey and my passion for service. I don't know if any of this really makes sense, but I guess what I'm trying to say is, I feel so much more aware of the world after this trip, but yet, optimistic, which is so refreshing and exactly what I needed.

--Cal

On being back from San Fran...

I left my hearts in San Francisco.
On the corner of Larkin and Ellis,
in the space between broken promises
and broken bottles.

Sitting cross-legged in the penthouse
of a building that kissed the edges of the sky
and I left them in a puddle of smiles
the size of a mountain
laced with young women that dance and
men who blow bubbles as you walk by.

And with survivors whose stories
are now apart of my own.

I left them among ink and blisters
and people who work for pennies
but are the richest I've ever met,
Queens more royal than blue.

I left them with a man with a
story
that shakes tears out of
the driest eyes
San Francisco, I left them with you.

But don't you worry,
cuz I'll be back
to get them.



--Salisa



"Liberties are never given, they are always taken." --Beth Pickens

Reflections, Musings and Conclusions

Being home the past two days has been a difficult adjustment. I can’t explain how much I miss being in San Francisco with all of my new friends, serving and learning and growing.

Everyone asks: “How was your trip?” and I don’t ever know what to say or where to begin. I try to tell them about all the service we did and the people we talked to but its impossible to convey the way that I feel and the way I’ve changed because of this trip, and more importantly—because of the people I was surrounded by on this trip. The relationships I made in San Francisco are so important to me, and it’s really hard to explain that to people back at school. I have a whole new group of people who I know support me and create a safe space for me, and that’s exactly what I needed at this point in my life. I’m getting all emotional again just thinking about them. I sincerely hope that we all keep in touch for a very very long time.

Besides all of the fantastic relationships I made, it also felt really good to serve and spend my time helping people who are less privileged than I am. I learned a lot about homelessness and the way it traps people. Before the trip someone was telling me that they didn’t think people should be on government assistance or food stamps for more than about two years. I honestly don’t remember who it was but I’m pretty sure it was one of my white, male, college-aged, middle class friends. The thing is, its easy to say things like that when you’ve never seen someone sleeping on the street, in a doorway while its raining, or peeing on the sidewalk because no businesses will let them use a bathroom, or looking for half-smoked cigarettes on the sidewalk to curb their hunger, or hauling ALL of their belongings around in a shopping cart, or begging people on the street to buy them just one bag of chips. And it could be me; it could be my family on the street, going to churches and food shelves to survive. Anyways, this person I was talking with said something like, “I could go out and get a job right now if I really needed to.” Which is probably true, but he isn’t homeless, he can take a shower when he needs to, and he can buy new clothes when he needs to. If you’ve been sleeping on the streets for a week and its been rainy, and you have no access to a shower, and your clothes are a bit ragged, not too many people are going to hire you. Homeless people are still people, LGBTQIA people are still people, people are people but there are stigmas attached to all different types of people, cultures and communities and we forget that we are all human beings.

Another community I learned a lot about is the trans women community. I had no idea that they were so marginalized, even in comparison to trans men. There are a lot of complex issues that I still need to learn more about, but the Girl Talk show provided a platform for me to jump off of and really dig deep to learn more about this community. One thing that I was confused about at Girl Talk was the concept of trans misogyny. I don’t want to talk about it too much because I really don’t know how to navigate through all of these issues and terms and language and what not but it’s something to think about. Girl Talk made me question a lot of things about the way our society constructs gender and sexual orientation, which I think is a good thing. As an ally I have lots more to learn, but now I’m really excited and eager to learn after this trip.

I also learned a ton about HIV/AIDS from volunteering Project Open Hand and listening to Jason Villalobos speak. I had no idea that the AIDS epidemic was so huge or that the government didn’t even acknowledge it until years after it began. San Francisco was the only part of the country with a strong, powerful movement to fight the epidemic. Now we are kind of falling back into a phase of complacency, which is scary to think about. That’s why the work that Jason does is so important.

The most important thing I learned, in regards to my allyship, is that I need to be more conscious of my privilege on a daily basis. I’ve never been teased, bullied, or harassed because of my sexual orientation, and I will never fully understand exactly how that feels. I’ve grown up in an upper-middle class household in the suburbs. I’ve been really lucky and I have advantages that many other people don’t have. Now, what I’ve realized is that I want to use these advantages to help other people, I have extra time and money that others don’t, so why shouldn’t I spend it serving and supporting them? Soon I will be starting regular volunteer work and outreach for Sexual Offense Services of Ramsey County and that will be my first real taste of structured, regular, involved volunteer work. I’m nervous that I am not ready or stable enough to support rape/sexual assault victims, but after this trip I’m also extremely excited because I know how good it feels to be helping people and giving back. I’m really passionate about women’s issues and might be interested in having a career for a non-profit organization, especially after talking with Laura from the GSA offices.

This trip has also been an extension of my passion for feminism. To me feminism is about equality for all types of people, not just women. People think that feminism is anti- things: anti-men, anti-femininity, etc. It’s not. For me, it is a movement that is trying to change the system and fight the patriarchy that affects us ALL. Not everyone understands this or agrees but that is what my feminism means to me. It’s who I am and I am dedicated to it. Women’s rights are human rights, LGBTQIA rights are human rights, people of color are still marginalized in our society, trans and intersex issues and identities are hardly ever discussed or recognized. I want to help change this in my lifetime. This trip was a start, a jumping off point.

But ultimately, the thing I value most from this trip really is the relationships that I’ve built with everyone. We truly are a support system for each other and that’s something that I’m extremely thankful for and lucky to have gotten from this trip. Every single person on this trip has been so kind and caring towards me, and towards each other in general. That’s hard to find in a large group. We work so well together though, everyone is so loving. We all opened up and shared a lot about ourselves and I think that really helped develop this support system. I can honestly say that I believe every person on this trip--Simone, Grady, Shawyn, Justin, Salisa, Steve, Hannah, Alissa, Trung, Alicia and Peter, are some of the best and most beautiful people I’ve ever met and I am genuinely grateful to know all of them.

--Cal

Reflection - Justin

Today was the first day back at school after the trip. And yesterday was my first day home. Over the last 2 days I've found the hardest part is explaining this trip and the impact it had on me.. The last week has had a profound impact on me and the way I look at my life, the way I look at the queer community, as well as other aspects of my life. One of those is striking while things are hot in the realm of volunteering. The trip sparked a new outlook on giving my time to help others, and the way to do that is volunteering, so today I spent some time looking at places to volunteer that focus on youth and homelessness as well as the queer community. I want to make sure I set out time to dedicate to helping an organization and not loose sight of the the perspective I gained the last week.

I also found new insight into my identity especially as a gay man within the queer community. This trip really provided me the opportunities to reflect (pun intended) on my identity and how my life works with it, and how I navigate it. Because even though I've been out for some time, I still have a lot of growth and comfort to gain with it, and that will be something I continually process for the rest of my life. However, San Francisco gave me a glimpse of life where I can be completely comfortable with my identity and it's okay, which is something I strive for.

Another piece of important insight I gained in the role of allies within the queer community. We were very fortunate to have 3 people on this trip who are allies to the queer community, and they are 3 very special people for me. It's because of people like them, that people like me are here today. They provided and continually provide an astonishing amount support, kindness and compassion, and I'm so thankful to be able to call them my friends. I have really created a bond with people from this trip, and like my last entry, that's something that will stay with me forever.

Being back in Minnesota is hard, and it's an adjustment period, and it'll take time to integrate what we gained in San Francisco to our lives back home, and I'm excited, frustrated, and nervous about figuring all that out. A friend of mine shared a quote with me from a similar experience she had and I want to leave you with that -

"Exemplify patience when going home. Experiences shape us- people back home won't understand your perspective here and how it changed. You may be the first poke of something different back home."

Much love,

Justin

Reflections

How can I even begin to describe how incredible this trip was? In just a week, I learned so much about the world around me and myself. Before I went on this trip, I had kind of lost sight of the path to LGBTIQ equality. I think in going to a school like Hamline, it can be easy to feel contained inside this little bubble where it is okay to be queer and be true to yourself. At Hamline, we focus so much on the importance of diversity and loving people for who they are, rather than judging them for the label society places on them. I was brought back to a harsh reality in San Francisco when I realized that this is not how the rest of the world is. We spoke with some of the most passionate and inspirational queer rights activists who fight everyday for the rights of their community. One of the people we spoke to was Jason, an incredibly strong man living with HIV who campaigns for HIV prevention and speaks to communities about his experiences. His story reminded me of the severity of the HIV/AIDS epidemic in the 1980’s. I think our generation has forgotten how serious this epidemic was, and how devastating it was for the queer community. This disease nearly wiped out an entire generation of gay men. It got to a point where people were throwing out phone books full of people who died. It is difficult to imagine that if we had been born ten years sooner, we could have seen all of our friends and loved ones dying of this disease. Our generation has kind of forgotten about how hard that generation worked just to be recognized by the government and mainstream American society. The government was not doing anything because it was labeled as a “gay disease”. We, as the queer community, need to remember the struggles of the generation before us. That being said, we also need to keep in mind what they would want for us. They would not want us to sit around in our own tiny bubbles thinking, “this is as good as it’s going to get.” They would want us to continue to fight for our basic human rights as a queer community.

To whoever is reading this, whatever your sexual orientation, race, gender may be, please do not give up. Continue to fight for your rights because you are worth. You have a voice and you owe it to the world to use it.

We got a lot of work to do.

This is by no means a final word on this trip. In more ways than one, I still need to collect my own thoughts.

Our group has seen a lot since last Saturday. I tell people that I feel older since we came here, and I'm serious.

In somewhat of a response to the frustration Trung expressed last night, I want to admit that I'm leaving this beautiful city with a slightly bitter taste in my mouth. Don't get me wrong! We've done some amazing work in San Francisco, and I'm so grateful to all the groups—but especially the individuals—who made this trip amazing for us.

The personal narratives from those that we've met are what I will take back with me to Saint Paul and I will do my best to apply what I've learned to my character as I continue to explore, with a new-found sense of appreciation, issues relating to the LGBT community, homelessness, and food justice.

But none of us can solve every problem at once—it's been a struggle for me to accept that I can't. And now, instead of doing nothing, I'm asking myself and everyone reading this just to do one thing today. Donate the clothes that you'll never wear anyway to GoodWill. Volunteer at a soup kitchen; volunteer in your campus, in your neighborhood, anywhere you see room for improvement.

Because if I've learned one thing from San Francisco, it's that kindness is contagious. If someone sees you doing something virtuous, they will follow your lead.

Maybe not immediately.

Maybe not for a month.

But it will happen.

And for heaven's sake—ask for help! Tell your friends! Make it an event!

We can't do this work alone, and we shouldn't have to. We might have a lot of work to do, but we'll get it done a hell of a lot faster if we do it together.

in love,

Grady